While job opportunities abound on university sites like hirealonghorn.org and accessUT, this dummie decided to hit up the Austin job market old school style and took the hunt to the streets.

Some revelations/awkward highlights:

1. Group Interviewing. Thoughts: weird; There is nothing like a group of five girls bying to answer the same questions better than each other…. especially in the middle of a store….. during operational hours…. yeah…

2. Cover letters. Thoughts: good requirement for career oriented jobs; bad requirement for coffee shops, unless you feel called to all things caffeinated.

The job hunt resumes tomorrow. Tips welcomed. Encouragement needed.

So these last few weeks of school push even the most dedicated and responsible student to the brink of insanity. In honor of this delirium, UT4D invites you to participate in our first ever photo contest. Here’s how it works:

 1. See students studying/sleeping/looking stressed around the city

2. Snap a pic.

3. Send the pic and caption to UTforDummiesATgmailDOTcom.

The pics will be judged, ranked then uploaded to the site in all of their glory the day after finals end. So step up to the challenge and have some fun during these weeks of hell….

Registration course schedules are lovely–except for classes that have vague titles such as, “The Uncanny,” or history courses that cause unprecedented cringing when the workload is unknown. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was some reference as to what the classes were about, and if they had finals, and papers…

Yep, it exists in the midst of the Liberal Arts college Web site like shiny buried treasure. All classes listed with full descriptions of exactly what you’ll learn, how many tests you will take, and how many papers you will write.

Fall ‘08 doesn’t stand a chance against these mad skills.

 
So… apparently hyenas defecate bone.

…..

Anyways according to mass email In honor of Earth Day, Jack Hanna’s coming to teach us longhorns how to play nice with the environment (and to dissect poo?). Yesss please.

7 p.m., April 22, 2008

Admission to the Jack Hanna event is free. UT students, faculty and staff may obtain passes from the Texas Union Student Events Center Events & Info Desk (Room 4.300) by presenting a UT ID.  Pass distribution will begin TOMORROW morning at 8:00 AM.

Get’em while they’re hot.

Hole in the Wall on Guadalupe is making some changes. They’ve completely transformed the back room by taking out the upper-level seating and adding a huge stage. They’ve also opened the side door where the shuffleboard table was. All patrons must enter and exit the patio through those double doors. The back bar is also extended to block the door that used to lead to the outdoor patio.

Don’t worry. The beer, liquor and food selections are still great. The bar just isn’t a hole anymore. They’re movin’ on up……..

Here at UT for Dummies, we are committed to the dispersal of all things that will enhance the average longhorn experience. That being said, I now approach the ever-sensitive topic of college-dating (which will all know is a ball-and-chain away from til’ death to us part).

Since I know little to nothing about such an intensely debated and sometimes hated subject, I turn to a the wisdom of a UT grad, Ben Goldfarb’s article, ”Life-coaching: The 7.3 rules for a happy marriage.”

Some highlights,

2.Metaphors

Select a metaphor that best defines your marriage. Some couples see themselves as co-pilots on a transatlantic journey. Others view themselves as vice presidents of a corporation. I met a couple recently who sees their marriage as an intricate game involving Nerf ™ balls, spatulas, and mosquito netting.

…

7. Tupperware ™

Buy lots of Tupperware ™. I have no vested interest in Tupperware ™, nor do I plan on becoming a distributor. I’ve never even been to a Tupperware ™ party, although I’ve heard they can get pretty wild. However, Tupperware ™ products maintain the “cook and freeze” lifestyle that might contribute more to marital bliss than any other single factor.

UT is home to one powerful phallic symbol: a giant laser that produces a petawatt (a quadrillion watts) of energy. The laser is part of the Texas Petawatt Project–supporting the most powerful laser on earth.

Even Wired magazine featured a snazzy article today–that’s right FEATURED–on its site. Notice, however, that all the photos were given to them?

That’s because it’s top secret–Damn right. Locked away in the basement of some cold, ugly engineering building, only authorized personal may access it. Few have seen it and fewer have lived to tell of it… Others furtively captured a video for us on a mobile phone.

The laser is actually so powerful, its capable of creating a star.

*And what the Daily Texan didn’t tell you– it’s used for expanding fusion energy research.

Damn we’re cool.

Registration time is upon us, and while some groan at taking the stereotypical Fine Arts course to fulfill credits, others pull hair to find filler time for prime thumb-twiddling before graduation.

UT for Dummies has a few recommendations to help escape HIS 315: United States, 1492-1865 and other life draining courses.

For the Fine Arts credit:

Try MUS 307: History of Rock music. The homework equals… listening to really good music.

For the American history credit:

• AFR 374D/ WGS 340: Black women in America
• AFR 374D/ AMS 321/ MAS 374: US in Civil Rights Era
• AMS 310: Intro to American Studies
• AMS 370: Movies and Modern America
• WGS 301: US Women and Gender until 1865
• AAS 325: History of the US West
• R S 346: Jesus in American culture

For the writing courses credit:

• AMS 311S: Coming of age in America (youth culture)
• AMS 311S: American Places of Leisure
• WGS 322: Sociology of Masculinities (examines the macho effect)
• RHE 309K, #45035: Rhetoric of Fairy Tales
• RHE 309K, #45045: Rhetoric of the American future
• RHE 309K, #45060: Rhetoric of comic books
• RHE 309K, #45075: Rhetoric of makeovers
• RHE 309K, #45125: Rhetoric of Southern rock
• RHE 309K, #45155: Rhetoric of conspiracy theories

For the whatev credit:

• ENS 107S, #25460: Javanese Gamelan. Only here will you be able to have a one-hour class of hitting a gong. Additionally, UT is one of 12 colleges in the country to have a gamelan class.
• ENS 107S, #25490: North Indian music. A tough class to get into due to size limitations… but fulfill your dream of learning sitar from one of Ravi Shankar’s own students. Yes, he has met George Harrison.

Of course, these are only just a few courses to take–but none of these require prerequisites for even the biggest dummie.

So on Sunday night, some guy in Jester beat the crap out of some drunken man who stumbled into his room. Apparently the man had waltzed right in and hit the student in the face, before the Jester rez knocked him clean out.

Although my mom encouraged me to purchase some mace before coming to this big bad city, I realized today that this small town chick would be in a world of hurt if a drunken idiot hit her in the face.

So I decided to look up some places to take some lesson in general butt-kicking. Here’s what I found near campus:

Kim Soo Karate on South Lamar:

Kinda pricey at 120 bucks for six weeks. But apparently you get one of those bathrobe uniforms and a gym bag.

Plus, it looks like these gals could take on anybody:

And speaking of pics… sign me up for whatever class this woman is taking…

Sun Dragon Martial Arts on Riverside. $85.

And they have this archive of blogs called “Why I Train.” Here’s a little morsel from on for all you peeps out there…

Jen

Training Since: August 2005

I train because to not train is to deny myself needs
that are as primal as hunger,
natural as breathing,
innate as a heartbeat.

My body needs movement.
Therefore,
I move it though kata, kihons,
self-defense drills.
I move it against bags and ukes.
I move it through kumite.

My mind needs puzzles;
to sort through the intricacies of
a combination or a kata
keeps me sharp and ready.

My soul needs community.
Walking into the dojo is to
walk into a friend’s embrace
irrespective of the quality
of your mood,
irrespective of what you are
able to give that day.

To train is to meet the requirements of my soul’s dynamism.
I am blessed to do that at Sun Dragon.

Friends and hands of death? Yes please.

Children of the 90s’, I beckon thee;

Remember this character?

Ya, we all remember Hammer time. And that time is again.

Meet A’Keiba Burrell, Sir Hammer’s lovely 20-year-old daughter… AND UT MUSIC STUDENT.

Bam. Burrell, however, has taken the semester off to participate in MTV’s “Rock the Cradle,” a show about celebrity children who compete in a talent-show-type environment. The audience gets to vote who goes and stays.

Basically, a vote for her is a vote for UT and for MC Hammer. Can’t touch this…

Ever read the UTPD Campus Watch archive?

First and foremost, the writing is brilliant. Without it, one would never know that UT police officers move with “cat-like reflexes.”

UT for Dummies fave crime from yesterday:

Burglary of Coin-Operated Machine: A UT staff member discovered four coin-operated machines located inside the women’s restroom had been forced open and an unknown amount of product had been stolen. Loss value: Unknown at this time. Discovered on: 3-28-07 at 9:30 PM.

Loss value of tampons: priceless, is what they meant to say.

Additionally, the faithful squad posted this:

“Again the University of Texas Police Department is asking for your assistance in reporting any and all suspicious activity that you witness. Your telephone call could earn you a pizza of your choice.”

For joining clubs, solving crime, winning sports games… we salute you pizza.

Tired of all those packed coffee house crammed full of bleary-eyed college kids drunk on caffienne?

Check out this little European gem I found in Clarksville: Caffe Medici.

Complete with good lighting, interesting photographs on the walls, Wi-Fi, plenty of tables (and a male barista that is pretty easy on the eyes), this place is perfect for some quality study/Facebook time.

When I was there last Thursday, there were enough people in it for you not to feel weird but not so much that you had to share a table with a nearby neurotic graduate student.

Pricing was about average. (My grande-vanilla latte was under 4 bucks.)

It’s wheelchair accessible, plus there’s free parking in a lot right next to the house as well as additional parking on West 10th and 11th Streets. Oh, and they make pretty designs with the foam.

Caffé Medici

Espresso & Coffee House

1101 West Lynn

Hours: Mon–Fri 6:00 am to 10:00 pm, Sat–Sun 6:30 am to 10:00 pm

Need an adrenaline rush? or just need a chance to escape all commitment, including staring at the same paragraph in your bio book every 30 minutes, avoiding your roommate, and/or procrastinating?

Well, here is all you need to know to get that weekend adrenaline rush:

1.) Jet Skiing

With the fresh Lake Austin breeze and the 45 nautical mile rush, you can’t wrong with a week-end on the lake. You can rent a jet ski or boat from numerous places on the lake, but my favorite is Just for Fun, due to their higher end Jet Skis. Though, if you are under 18 years of age or forgot your driver’s license along with those commitments, then I recommend renting from the shady looking shack to the left of Just for Fun. The main huncho there spends most of his day smoking (not so legal substances) and hence will not notice the difference between your driver’s license and this.

2.) Skydiving

 This is the ultimate adrenaline rush of all. The second your body leaves that plane, your brain releases a multitude of endorphins, allowing to disregard death and enjoy the 13,000 foot drop. Despite its hefiter price, its worth every cent. According to my tandem instructor and partner, the thrill of Skydiving never gets old, and with over 5,000 jumps and counting, he would be one to know.

3.) Helicopter Flight 

Journey with a man willing to steer his helicopter so close to the Tower, you’d swear you could hear the bell tweak. With HeliJet, you can fly from Lake Austin to Downtown and to the UT campus for a considerably cheap price with a jolly, former military pilot named Ray.

4.)Rafting

No this isn’t your life-threatening water-white version of rafting. It’s more like floating down Lost Creek in a $20 raft, while watching a man armed with a beer belly and six-pack struggle to jump into his raft as the current pushes it down the creek. While you can pay for a more adventrous experience, I suggest driving down with some friends down to Lost Creek in South Austin and floating down the Barton Creek GreenBelt…

And if none of these wild children fulfill your weekend adrenaline needs, then I suggest a little extreme Zorbing in New Zealand might suit your needs…

The online celebrity tabloid “The Popcrunch Show” released an article entitled, “Hottest Student Bodies: The 50 Best Colleges Ranked by Looks” Monday, which displayed a list of 50 colleges and a blurb about the female population at each with photos attached.

Unfortunately, Texas women placed 12th. Then again, it was hard to compete with the top 10 when a typical top 10 photo (like this from Auburn University

)

had to compete with a photo like this from our modest, stalked UT female population:

(our editors agreed this girl has no idea she was included on this site, nor being watched).

The blurb about us Texas ladies stated: “One word: chaps. They make for some of the hottest cheerleaders in the country. Like Ohio State, the University of Texas is absolutely massive, so no matter your taste in women you’ll be able to find it here.”

Here are some suggestions to get us number one next time:

• Wear chaps all the time!
• Save those pennies for bigger breasts!
• Look into the camera like you want that number one title (don’t be afraid of strangers taking pictures from high elevations)!
• Never give up! This is important!

And since the top winner was Arizona State, get UT back up to number one party school. Incoherence is very attractive on a young lady.

And quit being so modest!

Shutting down the sarcasm: UT women=number one.

I’ve heard the rumors surrounding this little inhabitant of the East Mall, and today all doubt of its existence was obliterated when it ran right in front of me. It was the…. dun … dun … dun… ALBINO SQUIRREL!

OK maybe not as scary as most urban legends (Big Foot, Abominible Snowman, etc) but it was still kinda creepy to see…. cute but only in a slightly off-setting kind of way…like some breeds of dog.

Turns out a University of Texas student founded the Albino Squirrel Preservation Society in 2001. “In the constant pursuit of albino squirrel rights.”