Parents love Bevo Bucks. Ask them for cash, and they might say no; ask them for Bevo Bucks, and they will at least think twice–They know at least you can’t buy (illegal) drugs with them (yet).

But Bevo has cut some loopholes with those horns. There are a few things mom and pop didn’t think about or know about.

1. Get a nice haircut.
Orbit Salon is located on 500 W. 18th St. And, I actually have had my hair cut there before (with Bevo Bucks) and they do a fantastic job. Use those five bucks on something that lasts for a month.

2. Pay your sin tax and grab a beverage.

Both the CVS on the Drag and the convenient store in Dobie mall accept Bevo Bucks. Bevo asks for you to not take advantage of him, with that being said.

3. Get yo’ meds.

In Austin, EVERY season is allergy season (yay!). The UT Pharmacy accepts Bevo Bucks for medicine and all the goodies you can buy within the store (toothpaste, gum, candy…).

4. Lazily order food.

Places on the Drag like Veggie Heaven don’t accept Bevo Bucks, but like I said, loophole.Longhorn Delivery accepts Bevo Bucks and delivers from 27 different restaurants around campus (many of which don’t individually accept BB). But that’s not all… They also deliver toiletries, school supplies, cigarettes, batteries, light bulbs, hangover relief, condoms, and even guitar picks.

Tell the ‘rents you need some food money and put it on Bevo’s tab.

After enduring a day and a half of the master cleanse, I quit. And I’m not a quitter.

I quit for the following reasons:

a) I’m a journalist, which means coffee is at the top of my food group pyramid. No caffeine? No thanks.

b) As I gulped my first salt water cleanse, I watched an assortment of weirdos’ videos on YouTube who vlogged about their own master cleanse experience. I don’t know if it was their personality or the diet, but I didn’t want to be anything like them…

c) I have colitis, which the cleanse is actually supposed to help. Except,I think it almost killed me instead.

d) Starvation is pretty distracting from school. My weekend activities consisted of not eating, trying to study, and sleeping.

e) A lot of people do this thing to lose weight. The only fat I have to lose is in my ass–And I like my ass. It’s here to stay.

f) I had no genuine motive. What I sought in the experience I got: a greater appreciation for eating. So if I gain weight in the coming weeks, it was the cleanse’s fault.

Overall, I’d say try it, but don’t expect to like it. My friend who lent me the book did it over Xmas break–These kinds of vacation periods are the best times to do it, not during hectic end-of-semester hell. Do it if you need it, but remember that the water weight you lose will come back to those thighs. And then, like a fool, you will reflect on having drank a disgusting liter of salt water every day for 10 days.

P.S. I’m totally drinking coffee right now, and smiling.

And just for fun:

Yayuhhhh

The moon is big and clear tonight and oh-my-god I’m hungry.

I awoke late in the afternoon, which meant a late start for the diet. I had promised a friend to eat lunch as sort of a last meal type event.

Last meal: veggie wrap with sweet potato fries from Galaxy Cafe (that place is awesome by the way–north on Lamar, right on Enfield, left on West Lynn–it’s to your right). I savored every last bite and ventured to the land of groceries to collect my supplies.

Good purified water (empty bottles recycled), maple syrup (the pamphlet suggests pure and dark), a bag of fresh lemons, and some cayenne pepper accompanied me home for my adventure to starve-land. My large lunch of deliciousness prevented me from doing the salt water internal cleanse, since it must be done on an empty stomach.

My partner in crime: a juicer my mom bought for me at a garage sale when I went to college. I squeezed six lemons and found it made 3/4 cup lemon juice. I adjusted the recipe for that measurement…

There she is.

The biggest diet so far has been completely mental. It’s amazing to realize how much food becomes ingrained into thoughts and actions. Advertisements stand out. And then comes out the fact that food plays such a large role in socialization… Eat dinner with some friends? Negative. Movie? No snacks. Night at the bar? No alcohol allowed. I actually don’t even know what my money will be spent on this week at all.

Otherwise, I’m pretty irritable, tired, and I’d be an amateur at a hunger strike.

I wish I had a huge piece of ice cream cake.

Ever read the UTPD Campus Watch archive?

First and foremost, the writing is brilliant. Without it, one would never know that UT police officers move with “cat-like reflexes.”

UT for Dummies fave crime from yesterday:

Burglary of Coin-Operated Machine: A UT staff member discovered four coin-operated machines located inside the women’s restroom had been forced open and an unknown amount of product had been stolen. Loss value: Unknown at this time. Discovered on: 3-28-07 at 9:30 PM.

Loss value of tampons: priceless, is what they meant to say.

Additionally, the faithful squad posted this:

“Again the University of Texas Police Department is asking for your assistance in reporting any and all suspicious activity that you witness. Your telephone call could earn you a pizza of your choice.”

For joining clubs, solving crime, winning sports games… we salute you pizza.