Registration course schedules are lovely–except for classes that have vague titles such as, “The Uncanny,” or history courses that cause unprecedented cringing when the workload is unknown. Wouldn’t it be nice if there was some reference as to what the classes were about, and if they had finals, and papers…

Yep, it exists in the midst of the Liberal Arts college Web site like shiny buried treasure. All classes listed with full descriptions of exactly what you’ll learn, how many tests you will take, and how many papers you will write.

Fall ‘08 doesn’t stand a chance against these mad skills.

Registration time is upon us, and while some groan at taking the stereotypical Fine Arts course to fulfill credits, others pull hair to find filler time for prime thumb-twiddling before graduation.

UT for Dummies has a few recommendations to help escape HIS 315: United States, 1492-1865 and other life draining courses.

For the Fine Arts credit:

Try MUS 307: History of Rock music. The homework equals… listening to really good music.

For the American history credit:

• AFR 374D/ WGS 340: Black women in America
• AFR 374D/ AMS 321/ MAS 374: US in Civil Rights Era
• AMS 310: Intro to American Studies
• AMS 370: Movies and Modern America
• WGS 301: US Women and Gender until 1865
• AAS 325: History of the US West
• R S 346: Jesus in American culture

For the writing courses credit:

• AMS 311S: Coming of age in America (youth culture)
• AMS 311S: American Places of Leisure
• WGS 322: Sociology of Masculinities (examines the macho effect)
• RHE 309K, #45035: Rhetoric of Fairy Tales
• RHE 309K, #45045: Rhetoric of the American future
• RHE 309K, #45060: Rhetoric of comic books
• RHE 309K, #45075: Rhetoric of makeovers
• RHE 309K, #45125: Rhetoric of Southern rock
• RHE 309K, #45155: Rhetoric of conspiracy theories

For the whatev credit:

• ENS 107S, #25460: Javanese Gamelan. Only here will you be able to have a one-hour class of hitting a gong. Additionally, UT is one of 12 colleges in the country to have a gamelan class.
• ENS 107S, #25490: North Indian music. A tough class to get into due to size limitations… but fulfill your dream of learning sitar from one of Ravi Shankar’s own students. Yes, he has met George Harrison.

Of course, these are only just a few courses to take–but none of these require prerequisites for even the biggest dummie.

Children of the 90s’, I beckon thee;

Remember this character?

Ya, we all remember Hammer time. And that time is again.

Meet A’Keiba Burrell, Sir Hammer’s lovely 20-year-old daughter… AND UT MUSIC STUDENT.

Bam. Burrell, however, has taken the semester off to participate in MTV’s “Rock the Cradle,” a show about celebrity children who compete in a talent-show-type environment. The audience gets to vote who goes and stays.

Basically, a vote for her is a vote for UT and for MC Hammer. Can’t touch this…

Ever read the UTPD Campus Watch archive?

First and foremost, the writing is brilliant. Without it, one would never know that UT police officers move with “cat-like reflexes.”

UT for Dummies fave crime from yesterday:

Burglary of Coin-Operated Machine: A UT staff member discovered four coin-operated machines located inside the women’s restroom had been forced open and an unknown amount of product had been stolen. Loss value: Unknown at this time. Discovered on: 3-28-07 at 9:30 PM.

Loss value of tampons: priceless, is what they meant to say.

Additionally, the faithful squad posted this:

“Again the University of Texas Police Department is asking for your assistance in reporting any and all suspicious activity that you witness. Your telephone call could earn you a pizza of your choice.”

For joining clubs, solving crime, winning sports games… we salute you pizza.

West campus construction sites have created an unprecedented forum for E-Bus and WC-Bus riders, along with passerby who carry a sharpie… and a spray paint can.

The online celebrity tabloid “The Popcrunch Show” released an article entitled, “Hottest Student Bodies: The 50 Best Colleges Ranked by Looks” Monday, which displayed a list of 50 colleges and a blurb about the female population at each with photos attached.

Unfortunately, Texas women placed 12th. Then again, it was hard to compete with the top 10 when a typical top 10 photo (like this from Auburn University

)

had to compete with a photo like this from our modest, stalked UT female population:

(our editors agreed this girl has no idea she was included on this site, nor being watched).

The blurb about us Texas ladies stated: “One word: chaps. They make for some of the hottest cheerleaders in the country. Like Ohio State, the University of Texas is absolutely massive, so no matter your taste in women you’ll be able to find it here.”

Here are some suggestions to get us number one next time:

• Wear chaps all the time!
• Save those pennies for bigger breasts!
• Look into the camera like you want that number one title (don’t be afraid of strangers taking pictures from high elevations)!
• Never give up! This is important!

And since the top winner was Arizona State, get UT back up to number one party school. Incoherence is very attractive on a young lady.

And quit being so modest!

Shutting down the sarcasm: UT women=number one.