My condo complex is a giant chocolate chip in the West Campus cookie. The Croix is infamous for its West Campus expansion area of who knows how many block(-party)s.

This explanation barely scrapes the gentle surface of the environmental transformation process the Croix experiences every Saturday night to Sunday morning.

The saga of my upstairs neighbors continues. Known for previously throwing trash down the stairs and bashing the upstairs window in a fit of drunken rage, last night their story was toned down when they simply could not finish their last bite of pizza and their last sip of Coca Cola.

The pizza was not found on the scene.

This has been a brief and first introductory episode of “The Croix Report.” Tune in next Sunday for more compartmentalized apartment stories, or later this eve as more details unfold.

…But there are some things that will.

Apartments and condos that are decorated nicely and kept in good quality are often chosen to be shown by realty agents, meaning that your personal belongings become exhibits in the effed-up museum of the big-money property game.

Recently my apartment has been shown up to three times a day–one time even during dinner— ripping my roommate and I of privacy and comfort. Deadbolting stopped working after they complained to our landlord.

So how to get rid of your real estate infestation problem?

The key point to remember: don’t get evicted. Leaving an apartment/condo filthy is bad for everyone. Instead, try these simple pointers:

• Leave out objects society finds uncomfortable in a notable place like the living room floor. For example: lubricant, condoms, sex toys, and porn magazines. Realty agents often show apartments in accompaniment with parents, and parents don’t want to see that kids in your complex are ::shudder:: having intercourse.

(Lubricant on display)

• Leave out an overwhelming amount of alcohol. This is only suggested if you have NOT HAD a warning against you in the past. Empty and full bottles and cans left all over the abode will also hint to parents that this complex is no place for little Betty.

But remember, do not leave out anything ILLEGAL, including paraphernalia. You have to keep your apartment societally filthy and taboo.

So the next time Joe calls and says he’s got an appointment at your place…. Make sure he knows it will be the last.

West campus construction sites have created an unprecedented forum for E-Bus and WC-Bus riders, along with passerby who carry a sharpie… and a spray paint can.

The online celebrity tabloid “The Popcrunch Show” released an article entitled, “Hottest Student Bodies: The 50 Best Colleges Ranked by Looks” Monday, which displayed a list of 50 colleges and a blurb about the female population at each with photos attached.

Unfortunately, Texas women placed 12th. Then again, it was hard to compete with the top 10 when a typical top 10 photo (like this from Auburn University

)

had to compete with a photo like this from our modest, stalked UT female population:

(our editors agreed this girl has no idea she was included on this site, nor being watched).

The blurb about us Texas ladies stated: “One word: chaps. They make for some of the hottest cheerleaders in the country. Like Ohio State, the University of Texas is absolutely massive, so no matter your taste in women you’ll be able to find it here.”

Here are some suggestions to get us number one next time:

• Wear chaps all the time!
• Save those pennies for bigger breasts!
• Look into the camera like you want that number one title (don’t be afraid of strangers taking pictures from high elevations)!
• Never give up! This is important!

And since the top winner was Arizona State, get UT back up to number one party school. Incoherence is very attractive on a young lady.

And quit being so modest!

Shutting down the sarcasm: UT women=number one.