Apartment and dorm grocery shopping sucks, any way you look at it. Going to the store means choosing between the huge SavingsCo., maneuvering through a sea of hippies and hipsters at Whole Mart or HEB, which is packed even on Monday afternoons. Then 50 pounds of groceries must be carted up anywhere from one to five flights of stairs.

In my quest for both easier and more environmental shopping I finally remembered to bring tote bags to the store today. The checkout line is where problems happened, because cashiers aren’t used to totes yet and I felt like a jerk while it took the lady three times longer to bag everything. Plastic is easier, but it’s just so bad for Al Gore and the earth.

Bringing totes that are all about the same size as plastic bags can make this easier. WalMart sells pretty simple bags for a dollar each, as does HEB. Central Market and Whole Foods have bigger, pricier bags but they are great for smaller grocery trips. And three flights of stairs? Way easier with totes.

If you’re still stuck on plastic, IKEA sells a bag holder/recycler for $1.

Once a year, the Texas Travesty puts on a comedic film fest showing short fliks made by UT kiddoes. And that once in 2008 is tonight at 8 p.m., Union Theater. But that’s not all; right after the fest, the movie “Super High Me,” a film that took SXSW Film by storm this March, will also be screened… for free.

Tomorrow, get your sex education with a free screening of “The Education of Shelby Knox” from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. at the Union Theater. Knox is a UT alum that’s been a guest-blogger for The Huffington Post and has fought against teaching abstinence-only.

Knox herself will be there, and so will free pizza.

Excuses? None.

Parents love Bevo Bucks. Ask them for cash, and they might say no; ask them for Bevo Bucks, and they will at least think twice–They know at least you can’t buy (illegal) drugs with them (yet).

But Bevo has cut some loopholes with those horns. There are a few things mom and pop didn’t think about or know about.

1. Get a nice haircut.
Orbit Salon is located on 500 W. 18th St. And, I actually have had my hair cut there before (with Bevo Bucks) and they do a fantastic job. Use those five bucks on something that lasts for a month.

2. Pay your sin tax and grab a beverage.

Both the CVS on the Drag and the convenient store in Dobie mall accept Bevo Bucks. Bevo asks for you to not take advantage of him, with that being said.

3. Get yo’ meds.

In Austin, EVERY season is allergy season (yay!). The UT Pharmacy accepts Bevo Bucks for medicine and all the goodies you can buy within the store (toothpaste, gum, candy…).

4. Lazily order food.

Places on the Drag like Veggie Heaven don’t accept Bevo Bucks, but like I said, loophole.Longhorn Delivery accepts Bevo Bucks and delivers from 27 different restaurants around campus (many of which don’t individually accept BB). But that’s not all… They also deliver toiletries, school supplies, cigarettes, batteries, light bulbs, hangover relief, condoms, and even guitar picks.

Tell the ‘rents you need some food money and put it on Bevo’s tab.

The moon is big and clear tonight and oh-my-god I’m hungry.

I awoke late in the afternoon, which meant a late start for the diet. I had promised a friend to eat lunch as sort of a last meal type event.

Last meal: veggie wrap with sweet potato fries from Galaxy Cafe (that place is awesome by the way–north on Lamar, right on Enfield, left on West Lynn–it’s to your right). I savored every last bite and ventured to the land of groceries to collect my supplies.

Good purified water (empty bottles recycled), maple syrup (the pamphlet suggests pure and dark), a bag of fresh lemons, and some cayenne pepper accompanied me home for my adventure to starve-land. My large lunch of deliciousness prevented me from doing the salt water internal cleanse, since it must be done on an empty stomach.

My partner in crime: a juicer my mom bought for me at a garage sale when I went to college. I squeezed six lemons and found it made 3/4 cup lemon juice. I adjusted the recipe for that measurement…

There she is.

The biggest diet so far has been completely mental. It’s amazing to realize how much food becomes ingrained into thoughts and actions. Advertisements stand out. And then comes out the fact that food plays such a large role in socialization… Eat dinner with some friends? Negative. Movie? No snacks. Night at the bar? No alcohol allowed. I actually don’t even know what my money will be spent on this week at all.

Otherwise, I’m pretty irritable, tired, and I’d be an amateur at a hunger strike.

I wish I had a huge piece of ice cream cake.

The “Master Cleanse Diet” has been circulating through the UT community recently, but the opinions on it vary from “insane” to “best thing I ever did.”

A friend of mine lent me the actual book on the diet a few weeks ago, recommending it to me in the opinion form of the latter.

My first reaction was… sure. My second, after hours of thorough research, was… I will probably die from malnutrition. Then my third was, what the heck.

Because the jury is undecided on whether this body purification method is legit or not, I decided to take over the court and rule for myself. I know lots of kids are questioning trying the diet, so I, CD, am using UT4D to broadcast myself as the Master Cleanse guinea pig.

Every morning, beginning Saturday morning, I will wake up, ingest salt water, and then ingest a special lemonade cocktail. My discomforts, testimonies, grievances, and hopefully satisfaction will be documented for at least the minimum 10 days. And hopefully I’ll live.

It doesn’t take much to draw the attention of the hungry and thirsty West Campus community. In fact, if the anticipation of the opening of Cuatro’s is any indication, all that is needed is an advertisement boasting beer, tacos and burgers.

I started hearing talk of this new and improved WC hangout (i.e. Cain and Abel’s ‘dos’) months ago when construction began on west 24^th in place of the remains of the late Bongo’s. With the promise of beer, tacos and burgers, Cuatro’s seemed to be on the right track in providing the ‘necessities’ for much of WC’s residents- as well as some good ole’ competition for Abel’s down the road.

Alas, disappointment has ensued. The root of dissatisfaction comes not from the quality of food and beverage for bar food will always be bar food (anything can taste good with enough drinks, so I hear), but from the ‘chillin and grillin’ service. When an out-of-state ID belong to a twenty-one year old Illinois resident was turned down, the dissatisfied customer told the waiter that he was leaving to go to Cain and Abel’s. The waiter’s response- “Oh, if you’re a Cain and Abel’s customer we don’t want your business to begin with.”

I was excited for a little West Campus competition but it does not look like this will be the case. In fact, unless Cuatro’s loses the ‘tude, their place in the West Campus domain may be short lived.  

I hate ramen noodles, but as a college student I am doomed to save money like the rest of my fellow UT colleagues. Though with my course load I’m finding it increasingly hard to hit the gym daily and so my solution was to hit the healthier, better-priced restaurants of Austin instead of the on-campus Wendy’s. Here are the buffets of Austin:

1.) Dimassi’s Meditternean Buffet

Even though it just opened up a week ago, this Mediterranean and Arab-influenced buffet is packed. The menu features the best of Arab culture and is incredibly healthy. Vegan, Vegetarian, Meat-addicts, or just boring, normal eaters are all welcome.

2.) Shalimar

The spicier, the better. This buffet is Indian style all the way, and if you can’t stomach spices (especially curry than you may want to venture away from this one.)

3.) Golden Lake Chinese Buffet

A lot of Chinese food on this menu are all for the special lunch price of $5.95 a person.

4.) Thomas Super Buffet

With four and a half stars, you can’t go wrong with this Asian buffet.

5.) Estancia Churrascaria

Experience the charm of Brazilian style cooking. Here when you drop a fork, three waiters will hand you a new one at once. Now, this restaurant isn’t your cheap buffet at $30 bucks a person, but with its fine steaks and service, it is definitely worth going to at least once.

The Name: banh mi thit nuong (I believe it’s #14 on the menu)

The Restaurant: Tâm Deli and Cafe, 8222 N. Lamar Blvd. (in a blue strip mall)

The Ingredients: Grilled Vietnamese BBQ pork on French bread with aoili (basically a garlic mayo), sliced jalapeños (no seeds!), shredded carrot, slivered cucumber.

The price: 3.50!!!!!!!!!

There’s no going wrong with this place. The wait staff is so happy and inviting, the food is cheap and, above all, delicious. Be sure to order a cream puff for dessert (~$.25). I’m serious.

Read about the 2 sisters/owners of Tâm, and see pictures of the food, in Austin360’s 2004 review.

Ever read the UTPD Campus Watch archive?

First and foremost, the writing is brilliant. Without it, one would never know that UT police officers move with “cat-like reflexes.”

UT for Dummies fave crime from yesterday:

Burglary of Coin-Operated Machine: A UT staff member discovered four coin-operated machines located inside the women’s restroom had been forced open and an unknown amount of product had been stolen. Loss value: Unknown at this time. Discovered on: 3-28-07 at 9:30 PM.

Loss value of tampons: priceless, is what they meant to say.

Additionally, the faithful squad posted this:

“Again the University of Texas Police Department is asking for your assistance in reporting any and all suspicious activity that you witness. Your telephone call could earn you a pizza of your choice.”

For joining clubs, solving crime, winning sports games… we salute you pizza.

  With the Texas vs. Stanford Sweet Sixteen showdown fast approaching, Longhorn fans are only tearing themselves away from their brackets for one thing- deciding where to watch the game.  While this decision may seem insignificant to some, the truly impassioned Longhorn bracketologist knows that the precise recipe for the ultimate tourney-watching location must fulfill a few definitive criteria. Location, quantity and quality of televisions, and drink prices (making the ‘celebratory’/’drinking your NCAA sorrows away’ bar tab a bit easier to swallow come morning) are all crucial in finding that heavily sought after sports bar nirvana. Here is a short list of places that I can only hope will provide you with all the sweet basketball watching pleasure you are hankering for.  

Don’t let the cute, homey exterior setting fool you.
Once you enter here, expect the worst service and expect to pay large sums for it. In a way its surreal, the way they forget to serve you your drink, no matter how many times you request it. The fact the waitress answers her cellphone as you place your order and walk away. Or how the grim old man lurks in the corner of the restaurant, observing your every movement. Despite it all, you are left with no choice but to ignore everything and eat your unusually gooey Pad Thai. Then, the waitress hands you the bill, and the old man’s stare presses into your back.

It is in this very moment you should pay and run.

Otherwise prepare to be thrown out, scorned, and threatened in two different languages at once.

Your crime: leaving only a 15% tip behind

Your punishment: a humiliating public scene and the promise of much worse if you ever enter again

Don’t believe me? Check out more reviews at
http://austin.citysearch.com/review/10212872 or dare to visit this
noodle house on your own…

If “you are what you eat” is true, then food joints near UT aren’t exactly making us honor students.

Below is an image of a customized Google map with placemarkers on nearby restaurants where the majority of the customers are students, along with each one’s last health inspection grade.

Top 5 healthiest environments to in eat near campus:

• Potbelly Sandwich Works: 100
• Schlotzky’s Deli: 100
• Chipotle: 97
• Einstein Bros Bagels: 97
• Pluckers: 97

Top 4 unhealthiest environments to eat in near campus:

• Madam Mam’s: 70
• Veggie Heaven: 71 (I don’t care, I love it!)
• Mellow Mushroom: 72
• Trudy’s Texas Star: 75

Visit the map to find out what your favorite restaurant received!